To follow up from last issue, I didn't exactly get the apology that I had hoped for, but the words ‘I'm sorry’ did materialise, within the timeframe, albeit in the form of a solitary text message. I was a good sport though, I understand how painful it must have been for my good lady to concede defeat to someone like me, so I shall be grateful for my pyrrhic victory and move on. She is now speaking to me again and the whole ‘minibus incident’ has been filed away in the argument coffers to be used against me at some future date.

I have the good fortitude to work in a large office generously populated with young ladies only too happy to discuss their relationships with me. One such girl asked me the other day – ‘Do you think this guy I'm seeing is serious?’ Quite what she thought I might be able to deduce about this gentleman purely from a single statement is anybody's guess. As far-reaching as my talents are, I was going to need some more information. It turns out that she has been dating the man in question for a few months, but still feels that he is being secretive, holding information back and is worried that he might not be dating her exclusively.

When asked, however, my colleague said that she had never discussed exclusivity with this guy. So I took the opportunity to spell out to her that she has no claim to stake on this gentleman until then. He is free to date anybody else without fear of reprisal until such a time that the two of them concede to become boyfriend and girlfriend. She of course is also free to do as she pleases and date whomever she wishes until that time.

This was when she told me about the Danish photographer that she was also seeing. Apparently she had known him for a couple of years and had known that he has always been very keen on her but that he is also a playboy. Add to that he also has a steady girlfriend who my colleague attests is a really nice girl.

Apparently my colleague isn't sleeping with this guy, though. They are just friends. He has told her on a number of occasions that he would like to date her, but my colleague has so far refused his advances. That said she does go round to his studio and hang out, just the two of them. No problems there. But apparently they have been getting into arguments lately. First they had planned to see each other on Friday night, but he never called. Then they were to go to the beach on Saturday but she refused to answer her phone. Call me crazy, but this is starting to sound like a relationship to me, and whether or not it has been consummated or not, they were both behaving like a couple.

Not only is this unlikely to go down well with his girlfriend, but how can she be worried about whether her other fella is being monogamous when she is embroiled in something far more involving and potentially explosive?

She, however, failed to see what was wrong with the situation and stuck to the same line of defence throughout, that she ‘wasn't doing anything wrong.’ No, she wasn't sleeping with him, but she was making his relationship with his girlfriend far more strained than it no doubt already was. I asked her to imagine she was the girlfriend and to see whether or not she would mind if he had a cute female friend who hung out at his studio all day long. Surprise, surprise, she didn't think this would be acceptable.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am a wholehearted advocate of having platonic friends of the opposite sex. I have far more female friends than male friends (until they start reading about themselves here in mafanjai) but you have to be very respectful of boundaries and sensitive to how situations can be misinterpreted. Too often these love triangles are exacerbated by the single participant having a cavalier do-as-they-please attitude that can so easily have negative influence on the couple involved.

In my colleague's case this was entirely the problem. Sure, the Danepak shutterbug is clearly playing games and would probably be more than comfortable to have both girls on the go simultaneously, possibly even together. However, my colleague has repeatedly stated that while she might find the guy attractive, she knows what he's up to and would rather not get involved. The logical move is to step away and let him screw his relationship up all by himself and spend more time with her other boyfriend and who knows, maybe take that scary next step towards commitment. But woman, logic and relationship rarely appear in the same sentence in any language.

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