My girlfriend asked me a question the other day that stopped me dead in my tracks. It was one of those questions guys never like to hear – ‘Where do you see this relationship going?’

I like to think I’m a pretty approachable guy with an “open book” demeanour. Ask me anything and I’ll always tell the truth. But on this occasion, however, I was stumped. It was a fair question I guess, what with that one-year anniversary looming close and none of us getting any younger. Girls get twitchy in their late 20s and Asian chicks especially start thinking they are over the hill if they haven’t got a ring on their finger by their 25th birthday.

I know a girl in Guangzhou who once told me, ‘I’m getting married next year.’ ‘Who’s the lucky fella?’ I asked, only for her to respond, ‘I don’t know yet, but my family are giving me a lot of pressure, so I’ve got to find a good guy quickly.’ Needless to say I hightailed it out of there before she got any ideas, but this Chinese attitude towards marriage can be so contradictory sometimes. Get married quickly, doesn’t really matter who to, as long as they’re rich. But then the girl gets all uppity when it’s not the romantic ideal she’d been imagining since her childhood.

My girlfriend didn’t mention the M word, but she’s still looking for some security and commitment from me beyond what she already has. What the hell? I’m still here, aren’t I? I take her out, I show her a good time, I let her stay over, she even has her own toothbrush in my bathroom! I have introduced her to my friends. Damn – I’ve even changed my status to ‘in a relationship’ on Facebook! How’s that for commitment!

But hey, I’m a spontaneous young man! I don’t even know what I’m doing this weekend, let alone with the rest of my life. I need the freedom to grab every opportunity as and when it presents itself, I can’t be tied down to vague future plans involving one single person or another. I need to stay flexible.

Sure, I understand the girl wants some security. She needs to know if she is wasting her time with me, or whether I’m a good investment. But hey, that’s something she needs to answer for herself. I’m open and honest, she knows who the real me is, what I want to achieve and how I plan to live my life. If she’s happy with that, then what’s there to talk about? If she doesn’t like the way things are going, then she knows where the door is.

In response, I ask her a simple question – ‘Are you happy?’ and if the answer is yes, then end of the discussion. Who knows how either of us is going to feel in a week, a month or a year’s time. As long as things are going well for the time being, why rock the boat?

I hate having to permanently re-affirm my love and commitment. If I was unhappy in the relationship, I wouldn’t be in it. It’s that simple. Nothing puts a strain on a relationship more than constantly talking about it. Just shut up and enjoy yourself rather than creating stress through insecurity and problems where none exist. If she wants her guy to show her more affection or say ‘I love you,’ then do something awesome, woman, rather than just getting stroppy about it. That’s only going to make things worse.

After all, at the end of the day men are simple creatures who are easily pleased. With regular hot meals, oral sex and time left to ourselves, most guys are happy as pigs in shit and when the going is that good, chances are we’ll stick around.

read mafanjai at www.mafanjai.bcmagazine.net, email the troublesome boy - mafanjai@bcmagazine.net,
follow him on twitter - @mafanjai